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Joke of the Day

"I can totally relate to batteries I'm not included in anything either."

"My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today."

"A guy walks in a library and asks for a book on how to commit suicide Librarian: Fuck you, you won't return it"

"How do you make a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven at ~~three fifty~~ tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened."

"The lesbians next door got my a rolex I think they were a bit confused when I said I wanna watch"

"Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's? They always get lost at C."

"I was born on 09.11.2001 and I suffer of autism Cause: The stork crashed and I'v hit my head"

"Which class the The Flash hated the most while in college? Physics..."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-in his sleep Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"What's small and green and smells like pork? Kermit's Finger."