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Joke of the Day

"So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people."

"When does a hamburger wear a look like a smile button? When somebody says 'Well done'!"

"Sometimes it's fun to randomly shout, ""Hey, asshole!"" in a crowd, just to see who turns around."

"What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados? GuacaMole!"

"If I were a Scooby Doo villain, I'd take the whole thing to court. How hard can it be to overturn the testimony of 4 kids who talk to a dog?"

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose."

"I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"Ruth wasn't invited to the party. The people at the party were ruthless."

"What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas? Cancer."