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Joke of the Day
"I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade"
Next Joke
"What do you call a cow with no legs?? Ground Beef"
"Why do witches not wear underwear? So they can get a better grip on their broom."
"""Vini Vidi Venti"" --I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks."
"My girlfriend told me all I could think about was sex... Fanny she should say that!"
"When the ex saw 2 wine glasses in my sink, I hope he thought, ""she shared a bottle w/ a hot guy"" not ""drinking alone 2 nights in a row"""
"Did you hear about Joseph Stalin's personal yacht? They say it was a huge dictator-ship."
"I call my Asian friend Spongebob Because he's yellow and can't drive"
"I got a call today from a distorted voice saying ""Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money."
"I don't ALWAYS post filthy tweets, but when I do, it is right after I'm followed by someone with ""my Lord and Savior"" in their bio."