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Joke of the Day

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"Want to hear a joke about my penis? Ahh forget it.. it it's too long. Woman replies: want to hear a joke about my vagina? Ahh never mind... you'll never get it."

"Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*"

"What's the difference between a joke and a retorical question?"

"Why do scuba-divers jump backwards into the water? Because if they jumped forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"What's a skydiver's favorite spice? Ground cumin! As long as they aren't running out of thyme."

"My corner store failed because most people want more than just the corners of stuff."

"The biggest threat to mankind is aliens somehow receiving transmissions of Xbox Live conversations and deciding to just blow up the planet."

"Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy."

"What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture? A zhuologist"