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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl? Four drinks."

"*Skrillex, young and penniless, is working at a grocery store and shelving boxes of produce* *drops beets* Oh. Oh my god."

"How is God just like every other man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested."

"Did you hear about the guy who told everyone goodbye and then didn't leave? It was much adieu about nothing."

"Some people get athlete's foot. I get Twitter butt."

"I'm a heroine addict Wonder Woman, Super Woman, Batgirl--I just can't get enough of them!"

"Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case."

"I rescued a seagull, taught it karate and named it Steven, so what?"

"""USA is #1! USA is #1!"" me explaining international dialing codes"

"I've decided to become a raw carnivore... I guess you can say I'm going cold turkey"