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Joke of the Day

"I've decided to become a raw carnivore... I guess you can say I'm going cold turkey"

"My pupil is dilated... ...6 inches. Guess I shouldn't have believed her nine months ago when she said she was on the pill. 13 year old girls are such liars."

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the van ME: Oh no thanks I'm vegetarian KIDNAPPER: Oh okay sorry *drives away* {15min later} KIDNAPPER: Wait a minute, wtf"

"I like my women like quality agronomy soil... ..good penetration to 8"", bare surface, and minimal crust."

"My favorite knock knock joke when I'm feeling like an asshole. Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? Actually it's 'to whom'."

"Why does Trump wear a hairpiece? Because he thought the kids on the roller coaster were making fun of him when they shouted ""Donald, duck!"" Yep."

"Choose your friends carefully, They are the ones who tag you in photos."

"What's black and never works? DECAF YOU RACIST FUCK"

"What was Santa's christmas-present for the kid with no hands? new gloves for the cold days"

"What's the first thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield. Its asshole."