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Joke of the Day

"The first judge ever was like ""When I'm done talking I'll pound my desk with a hammer"" and we were all ""Ok that's not insane"""

"They say 1 out of every 5 humans is Chinese. Out of me and my 4 siblings, I'm pretty sure it's either Carl or Liu Yang."

"Which kid? Wife: Honey, i think you don't love our kids equally. It seems you have one that gets less love from you. Husband: Really? Which kid do you mean? Karl, Tina or the fat one"

"Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field."

"Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing"

"What's the difference between a pothead and a gay Muslim? Potheads get stoned by choice."

"When a man opens a car door for his wife it's either a new car or a new wife"

"I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day."

"My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it."

"I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks."