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Joke of the Day

"What did the hipster say when a starbucks opened in his neighborhood? ""You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!"""

"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She holds the bulb up to the socket and then expects the world to revolve around her."

"My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money."

"What is the square root of 69? Eight something."

"Sick at home with a temperature. Girlfriend says why are you so hot, ""I don't know I was born that way""."

"How did people know Patrick Stewart was crying? Because he bawled."

"[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*"

"What does a 90 year old pussy taste like? Depends."

"It's crazy how quick women are to cut each other's throats over a guy! I mean I'd understand if it were shoes....but a guy???"

"Did you hear about the librarian who wanted to get arrested? Turns out she just wanted to get booked."