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Joke of the Day

"Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup? Because they were tailor made for it."

"Sorry I'm late, there was a dad yelling at his teenage son for buying $90 jeans and I had to hear every word of it."

"Why isn't having sex with a dead baby considered necrophilia? Because it was alive when you started."

"What do my dick and my mind have in common? They both want to get blown."

"Why does Donald Trump take women out on his yacht? Because of the implication."

"A dyslexic guy walked into a bra."

"*panics during bank robbery* ""Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"""

"Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas? Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around."

"Use ""damn it"" instead of ""dammit,"" but avoid cursing unless OH SHIT DAMN IT WHO FORGOT TO GET FUCKING COFFEE."

"My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I can't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves."