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Joke of the Day

"When a girl cancels a date, it's because she has to, but when a guy cancels a date, it's because he has two."

"putting 'official' in your username to let all of your 37 followers know it's the real you"

"What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ? ""Pack your trunk and clear out !"""

"I call my dick Ambidextrous Because I fuck girls left and right."

"Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter? He *literally* can't even."

"Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]"

"What's worse than male chauvinists? Women who don't shut up."

"Of course, Tony the Tiger isn't his real name. It's Lord Antoine le Tigris of Kellogg."

"I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours"

"Pink Fluff... What's pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff What's Blue and Fluffy? Pink Fluff holding it's breath. (My niece told me this)"