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Joke of the Day

"Do you like dragons? Because i'm going to be dragon these nuts across your face!"

"A tattered rope walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey, are you a lasso?"" The rope replies, ""Sorry, I'm a frayed knot."""

"Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found"

"Congratulations r/jokes on being the most eco-friendly subreddit! 95% of your material is recycled! (Love you guys <3 )"

"*works out for 75 mins *eats an entire batch of cookie dough"

"I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime"

"What is DJ Khaled's favorite number? 11 Because it has another 1"

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight? It becomes DAYTROGEN!"

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"