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Joke of the Day

"Do you like dragons? Because i'm going to be dragon these nuts across your face!"

"I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality."

"Facebook weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullsh1t blowing in from all directions!"

"Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher? Because he was Haydn."

"I am the guy who keeps posting in the wrong sub! AMA!"

"The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl"

"I really want to see that movie about Tom Cruise But I don't think it's ever gonna come out"

"I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way."

"""so what did you do before self-driving cars?"" ""we just drove 'em ourselves!"" ""wow, no one died that way?"" ""oh no, millions of people died"""

"What did the trans-gender, pan-sexual, gender-fluid ogre say to the heterosexual male ogre? Shrek your privilege!"