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Joke of the Day

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"

"If your ringtone is a Black Eyed Peas song you have 4 seconds to answer before the entire office throws their stapler at you."

"Arjen Robben goes down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf."

"When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back."

"Who would win a fight between Lemmy and God? Trick question. Lemmy is God *The world lost a great musician today"

"Trump's rhetoric has become even more disturbing and incendiary. Today he claimed ""Burger King fries are as good as McDonald's fries."""

"What's the difference between a hooker and a lawer? A hooker will stop screwing you after you're dead."

"My son has a play-date today & the mom said to dress him in holiday colors so he's in all black & I'm telling her we worship the dark lord."

"[horror movie in 2169] The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE [entire audience faints]"

"How can you tell if something is clickbait?"