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Joke of the Day

"If Trump replaces Obama in the white house, then we can all say... Orange is the new Black. Thanks, ~~I'll see myself out.~~ Apparently, I don't need to."

"I am like an electron.... My wife can only make guesses at my precise location by means of a probability function"

"You call it an unfinished window, I call it a draft."

"The son tells his dad he just lost his virginity Dad: That's my boy, come sit here and tell me how it was! Son: I can't sit down, dad..."

"So the Pope joined twitter so he can ""Reach out to a younger generation."" He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that."

"Villains: Just leave the city where the super hero is. Problem solved."

"The most adventurous I get is visiting Amazon on my Safari."

"I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

"Met a beautiful girl down at the park today... Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser..."

"*Attempts to use 'I have a boyfriend' meme* Meme: I have a boyfriend."