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Joke of the Day

"My son said he didn't think Seinfeld was funny Turns out he's not the Wiz"

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"One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse."
"Just went to a really emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers"
"If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain Then you are some kind of weirdo *swipes left on tinder*"
"""Yo momma is so ugly, I had to invent a device that allows me to converse without looking at her."" Alexander G. Bell"
"Old people that say tattoos are a waste of money: You have entire cabinets dedicated to plates that no one is allowed to use."
"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee you racist fuck."
"If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage. You are not girlfriend material."
"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."
"I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please."