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Joke of the Day

"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."

"It's pretty silly to be afraid of spiders when most of them have probably never answered a text message with a phone call."

"What do pothead barbarians say when 420 rolls around? 420 raze it!"

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."

"How Pokemon go came to be Customers: ""Niantic, can we have 151 Pokemon?"" Niantic: ""147 Pokemon? You want to have 145 Pokemon?! What are you going to do with 142 Pokemon?!"""

"Why did the Bee get married? Because she found her honey!"

"Now I know why they call her ""head nurse"" It's because she is in charge of the other nurses...not what I was hoping for."

"A new energy drink called F5 just came out, It's super refreshing!"

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"Senate Republicans cancelled the vote on abortion restrictions. Does this mean they're going to try Plan B?"