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Joke of the Day

"""Yo momma is so ugly, I had to invent a device that allows me to converse without looking at her."" Alexander G. Bell"

"I'm not saying I leave my wife sexually satisfied... But my neighbour just asked me to turn down the bass."

"Who's the greatest baller of all time? Pontius Pilate, he once crossed a guy up so bad he died"

"Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows... But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway."

"I just watched a show about burritos spinning in a circle because my television's broken and my microwave's not."

"[alarm clock goes off] ok it's happening again it's a day and it's here again *googling* day again why how to unsubscribe days"

"Did you know diarrhea is a genetic disorder? It runs in your jeans."

"My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed. His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before. Sorry Gene. We still love you."

"Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says ""WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP"""

"what idiot called it becoming a zombie and not waking up on the wrong side of the dead"