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Joke of the Day

"How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright."

"My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine."

"My wife and I adopted an abandoned newborn. She was affected by shaken baby syndrome... ...We're naming her Jostlelyne! I made that one up myself."

"What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair in the pot."

"I told one of my coworkers who happens to be Mexican that he better hope Trump doesn't become president... Or else he'll be hiding out in his attic like Anne Frank."

"Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding."

"My favourite thing about Pedophilia jokes... Is that they never get old!"

"You kick one baby and everyone's like ""That's not a football"" and ""He's not breathing, call 911."" Draaaaaama."

"Getting pretty tired of having to add my own sugar and calories to my diet coke..."

"What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team? The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts."