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Joke of the Day

"Getting pretty tired of having to add my own sugar and calories to my diet coke..."

"You're one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What's not to like about birthdays?"

"Going back to work in 10 mins. When I'm back, this better be front page, Reddit."

"They say not to covet which isn't too difficult as a kleptomaniac."

"*Answers door naked* Jehovah's Witnesses... Me: Do you have a moment to let me tell you about my sex life? Here, have this pamphlet."

"What do you call Shaka Zulu with a Fire Cracker? BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!"

"The problem is I'm really tired... But I hear there's a nap for that."

"Every time you use a q-tip... you turn a q into an o"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking... JK Rowling"

"No Olympian will ever be better at medaling than the gang on Scooby Doo."