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Joke of the Day

"911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now"

"What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her? ...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!"

"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."

"I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought ""nah""."

"If there was a black character in the game of Clue... The game would be called ""Solved."""

"Viagra won't make you James Bond.. ..but it will make you Roger Moore."

"I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams."

"I have always wanted to swim with dolphins But they keep dying on me during the bus ride to the pool."

"Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience."

"For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids"