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Joke of the Day

"My dog has figured out I'm Chinese. He totally tried to make a run for it. Silly dog, I'm not going to eat you until I train a replacement."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are left on a deserted island, Who survives? America."

"Alcohol is best served."

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon master? Ash"

"A man walks up to a cop on a horse... ...wow! That's a nice pig you've got! \-- That's not a pig, sir, but a horse. \-- I'm not talking to you!"

"What did the cell say to its sister when she stepped on her toe? Mitosis"

"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."

"Some guy was reported to have gone crazy in a public bathroom. I guess you could say he lost his shit."

"A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog. EDIT: Credit to David Foster Wallace."

"How Fat Was She!!! She was so fat I got done fucking her and rolled over twice, and I was still on the bitch."