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Joke of the Day
"How much does a hipster weigh? An *instagram*"
Next Joke
"Just got home to find the doors ripped off and everything gone. What kind of bastard could do that to my chocolate advent calendar?"
"Cashier: haha that's a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:... Cashier:... Me:... Cashier:... Me: yep"
"Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him."
"I really hope we can call ninjas with red hair ""ginjas""."
"[job interview] How would you improve our business? ""Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."""
"Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it."
"Whenever someone says ""Let's kill two birds with one stone"", I wonder what they did wrong. Probably some kind of religious violation."
"It blows my mind that people walk around acting like Steve Harvey won't jump out from behind a bush at any moment & murder them."
"Remember that scene in Die Hard qhen the hero squeezes the magazine's boobs? Now he can really die hard."