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Joke of the Day

"What color is a baby in the microwave? I wouldn't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate"

"I was gonna make a joke about black people... , but it's too dark."

"What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?"

"Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? ....The food was great, but there was no atmosphere."

"[God creating spiders] What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?"

"My uncle is a farmer. Last year he won an award for outstanding in his field."

"*walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* ""Sorry. Traffic."" *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* ""Oh this? I found it."""

"I want to be the guy in a rap song that justs says YEA"

"I think I'm emotionally constipated ...I haven't given a shit in days. (my daughter told me this just now new to me, hope it's new to you too)"

"A blonde fox gets caught in a fox trap... After a minute the fox realizes the only way out is to chew off it's leg. Three legs later... it's still in the fox trap."