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Joke of the Day

"I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God."

"I've given up masturbation for a week I'm just not feeling myself anymore."

"Why does everyone hate peppers? They always get jalapeno business!"

"Kidnapping Did you hear about the local kidnapping at the school? It's fine, he woke up."

"What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive? Miscarriage"

"How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? What suppressive told you to change the light bulb? Report to Ethics immediately!"

"Buzz Aldrin is the second man on the moon... Neil before me"

"What's the best thing to do when someone close to you dies? Move seats."

"Wife: ""If I died, would you remarry?"" Me: ""Yup."" Wife: ""And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??"" Me: ""No silly! She's left handed."""

"Ladies and Gents ""Ladies and Gents.... ...and that concludes our tour of the toilets."""