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Joke of the Day

"Twitter should allow you to select the font your tweets appear in; thus giving me yet another thing to judge you by."

"Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, ""That's not your left foot"" a billion times."

"Two muffins are in the oven... One of them says ""it's getting hot in here."" The other muffin says ""Holy shit, a talking muffin!"""

"Two gay men go into a bar. One says to the other, ""Can I push in your stool?"" Not sure if its a repost. My coworker just told me this."

"A young musician left his priceless Stradivarius violin on a train in Germany. But it was returned... no strings attached. Wait...what ?"

"Here's a broom go sweep the floors... 'Here's a broom go sweep the floors.' 'But I have a PhD...' 'Oh, I'm sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done.'"

"So I went to a zoo the other day... And all it had in it was one dog. It was a shitzu."

"How do al-Qaeda like their toast? Bean-laden"

"My friend collects scoliosis journals He has *back* issues."

"What do insects learn at school ? Mothmatics !"