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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning Because I can't get out of bed."

"My girlfriend is ridiculously good at deepthroating... It's actually not that great because she only gets to do it when she cheats on me with black guys."

"What do you call a group of philosophers? An argument."

"Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market? The steaks were too high."

"I was at a cafe when a Frenchman spilled water on himself. It was a pretty l'eau point in his life. (L'eau is French for water)"

"A show about a vampire glee club's exploits in 1960's New York. You're welcome, Hollywood."

"*throws a dead pigeon at jerk who cut me off in traffic* Wife: Hun, I don't think ""flipping the bird"" means what you think it means."

"I found my first white hair on my head ... I'm gonna name him Gentrification. I'm so sorry."

"What did the goat say to his friend after he cut his arm? I'm bleating all over the place!"

"Houston, we have a problem Houston: new phone who dis"