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Joke of the Day

"Slightly over half of marriages end in divorce... ... the rest are fatal."

"Never trust an asshole. They're often full of shit. ^^^Sorry"

"[texting] Her: We need to talk. (9:00 am) Him: About? (9:01 am) Him: What? (9:02 am) Him: WHAT??? (9:03 am) Her: Dinner tonight. (4:42 pm)"

"[Sahara desert] Me: *shares canteen* Companion: *holds it to his mouth but nothing comes out* Me: it's ketchup, you have to wait a bit."

"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ""Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."" She said, ""Why did you say that twice?"" I said, ""I didn't."""

"(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln I just foiled your plan."

"What's better at math than you a retarded Asian April fooly! Gotcha Burn April fooly"

"A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits... She was right up his alley."

"What does gasoline taste like? I don't know, I'm in a coma."

"Nothing says ""I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade"" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom."