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Joke of the Day

"If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it."

"I am pro animal rights, but I don't get why PETA campaigns against cosmetic testing on animals. Don't animals have the right to feel sexy, too?"

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency. Me: I'm 33 and I tried to do a cartwheel."

"I told the 8 clowns in a tiny cop car to ""clown arrest me! Take me to clown jail!"" And they did. Bail has been set at 150 banana cream pies."

"my doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia"

"Where does an ape sleep? In an apricot."

"What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother? She learns her son is gay, but he's dating a doctor."

"I have this thing where I like to take a crap with the door open. Unfortunately, not everyone at Starbucks feels the same way."

"I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants."

"I tried committing suicide once... never doing that again, I almost killed myself."