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Joke of the Day

"I tried committing suicide once... never doing that again, I almost killed myself."

"What sways from side to side? Jesus on a rubber cross!"

"What's a ninja's favourite drink? Waaaaa-taaah!!!"

"How Are A Prostitute And A Pirate Ship Alike? They're both full of seamen."

"I had a dodgy dwarf do a bit of casual building work for me. He asked to be paid under the table."

"BELLHOP: May I take care of your bags? ME: Of course! BELLHOP: [gently applies seven layers of concealer under my eyes]"

"Caesar salads are prepared differently than garden salads...Notably, the head of lettuce is first attacked by 40-50 knife-wielding senators."

"They were two hookers riding a motorcycle... suddenly they hit a bump, and boom! your mom fell off!!!"

"Opinions are like assholes... Fuck em"

"My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. Its okay though, I only had to give her one shot. I chose a .357 magnum."