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Joke of the Day

"I have this thing where I like to take a crap with the door open. Unfortunately, not everyone at Starbucks feels the same way."

"Why was Mary's phone bill so high? She was a roamin' catholic."

"How does a Jew do the gardening? He moses lawn."

"Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ghouldilocks."

"""Condoms, please."" ""Do you need a bag for that?"" ""No, she's not that ugly."""

"I like my steak how I like my women Tinder-ized."

"Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn."

"My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like. So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone."

"If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common."

"""i'm not even that high."" -me talking to the microwave"