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Joke of the Day

"What's the similarity between light beer and having sex in a canoe? They both increase the risk of drowning."

"What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory? Two test tickles."

"When I die I want written on my tombstone ""Finally Offline""."

"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it wont screw."

"Some parents count to 10 to get their kids to behave. I use a similar technique where I string out crime scene tape and fire up a chainsaw."

"What do people say when Batman skips Church? Christian Bale"

"What do you call a partying Hansen's disease patient? A social leper."

"I wondered where my boomerang had gone. Then it came back to me"

"Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body."

"If I ran the world, I would enforce a police state where everyone would have to weigh-in before being allowed to order food."