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Joke of the Day

"What pets think about their owners? A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God."

"What does Jimmy Buffett's chicken say? It's 5 o'cluck somewhere."

"Today marks a full year of keeping the baby alive. Now I want a goldfish"

"""Our toes look nothing like that!"" - Camels"

"Worldwide Survey A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,158,783,476 people, 95% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR! Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms* Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE"

"Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined ""victim"" as ""one who has encountered Chuck Norris"""

"Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive"

"I was in the supermarket and I thought I saw my name on a loaf of bread. I looked again and it said ""thick cut""."

"I like my women how I like my wine. Mellow, full bodied, and with a penis . . ."