20805
Joke of the Day
"Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR! Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms* Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE"
Next Joke
"It's Kim Kardashian's birthday. Which begs the question, ""What do you get the person who does nothing?"""
"""My birthday's coming"" Do you know what I need?"" ""Yeah but how do you wrap a life?"""
"You can usually win any arm wrestling contest by simultaneously leaning in for a kiss."
"Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!"
"A sarcastic thumbs-up is a good substitute for the middle finger."
"Oh, you love your boyfriend? Please, go ahead and saturate my Facebook news feed with your feelings."
"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"
"Dynamite fishing Sounds like a blast"
"Chuck Norris Sperm is so tough, girls have to chew before they swallow."