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Joke of the Day

"I was drinking gin for the first time when I realized... I'm not supposed to lose my ginity until I'm married"

"When I first met my wife I asked her if she smokes after sex She got quiet for a second then said,"" I don't know, I've never checked ""."

"????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- ""Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."""

"I wanted to buy some literature on DIY shelving Sounds easy, but try going into a book store and asking if they have ""any books on shelves"""

"Where do they make contentment? At the satis-factory."

"It'd be fun to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security's face when they pull off that first mask."

"This week in Science: MRI technology and thought processing... are a hell of a lot cooler than last week"

"Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, ""Penis!"" in public? Life was so simple before 9/11."

"sometimes i see a bird & i hate it for no reason. i'm not proud of it but its true. they have tiny heads & even smaller hearts. they hate us"

"So Obama's leaving, and Trump is going into office I orange really is the new black."