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Joke of the Day

"When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I'm alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I'm fantastic."

"How come wrong numbers are never busy?"

"What do books and sex have in common? They both have a climax."

"An online dating service but to match you up with prospective burritos."

"You can tell that Donald Trump isn't Amish ...because he is terrible at building a Cabinet."

"Found another spider in my bedroom, so now I'm on the curb watching my house burn down."

"I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool."

"The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house.........I got the outside."

"I'm sick of these people turning up at my door, telling me they're my saviours and if I don't listen I'll burn. Fucking firemen."

"What do you call a group of Ocelot? An Awful-lot."