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Joke of the Day

"Went to a public park and my 4yo was like, ""Is this Disney World?!"" The answer is yes and I'll cut anyone who tells her differently."

"40% of North American teens can't even find ISIS on a map. Talk about ignorant"

"Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting."

"I am sooo glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones & evidence."

"Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing."

"How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name address and blood group."

"I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady She kept yelling, ""I'm peeing in here!"" What a bitch."

"Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now"

"I'm usually pretty inspired after watching a movie to try something I've just seen. [hunts for a movie about cleaning bathrooms]"

"Whats a Plumber's favorite vegetable? A Leek!"