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Joke of the Day

"I saw two blokes having a fight... I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife!"" You should have seen how fucking fast they both ran off."

"*makes plans with someone* (30 seconds later) what have I done"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two."

"A British man, a Welsh man, a Scottish man, and a Polish man walk into a pub. A British man, a Welsh man, and a Scottish man walk out of the pub."

"Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It's weird ""You can secretly watch Netflix at work"" Oh, please take literally all of my money."

"Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane."

"What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration."

"Just read ""The Three Musketeers,"" and it's true, the book is always better than the candy"

"A cheetah rests its eyes under a tree... Suddenly, a Kenyan runs by. The cheetah looks up and says, ""What was that?"""

"I decided to join the new Jewish fraternity on campus ... Zayda Ate a Bagel"