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Joke of the Day

"Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions."

"How do you spot a blind guy at a strip club? It's not hard."

"How do you find an alive baby in a pile of dead babies? With a pitchfork!"

"I'm half Asian. All white people are. But my Cauc part is bigger."

"""It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see,"" I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library"

"Came back from the doctor and told my wife that I was perfectly healthy and I could've sworn she mouthed the word ""crap""."

"I think I finally found your G-Spot. It's been in my wallet the whole time."

"I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't gone to a gig yet."

"*gives gf a small gift wrapped box* ""aww what's this, youre so sweet"" *opens it* ""wait, is this my toothbrush?"" YOU DONT LIVE HERE KAREN"

"What's it called when you try not to get knocked unconscious by a Taser? Resisting a rest."