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Joke of the Day

"*wife walks over to me* *cups my face with her hands* *looks me in the eye* ""Why is there a mousetrap in the fridge?"""

"I failed the communism test. No Marx."

"Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber? Char-Jar Binks"

"Being an adult is 90% worrying about money and 10% spending money you don't have on treats because you've worried a lot this week."

"Phones are fake They're phony."

"Son, who is that German guy who keeps hiding things in our house? Alzheimer, granpa."

"Why do men sound like they're having an orgasm when they're lifting weights? And why is my father lifting weights in the bathroom?"

"What did one candle say to the other? ""Don't birthdays burn you up?"""

"Girl just asked me to talk dirty so I described the space behind my fridge."

"I served 2 years in Iraq Until they shut down the restaurant"