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Joke of the Day

"Being an adult is 90% worrying about money and 10% spending money you don't have on treats because you've worried a lot this week."

"Chickens making knock knock jokes. -Why did the chicken cross the road? -Are you kidding me? -To get to the ugly witches house. Knock, knock. -Who's there? -The chicken."

"""One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider."""

"that's disgusting (unless you're up for it?)"

"What do you call a russian tree? Dimitree"

"I was the fastest gun in the West, I'd shoot you with a ham before you could even ask ""What is that, some sort of ham cannon?"""

"""I see..."" said the blind man as he pissed into the wind. ""It's all coming back to me now."""

"I went to a library... and asked the librarian if they had a book on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. She said, ""Well it rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's there or not."""

"I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me."

"Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes."