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Joke of the Day
"Phones are fake They're phony."
Next Joke
"What do you call a missing psychic midget? A small medium at large."
"'NO NO NO NO NO NO' - My brain, every time words start coming out of my mouth."
"December 1 is the biggest day in the plumbing business as millions of ill-prepared men shave their mustaches over a sink"
"You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron."
"Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'"
"How can you tell when a man pumping gas is a male porn star? Right before the gas stops pumping, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car."
"Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*"
"[RACIST] The Parrot A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."
"Women who brag about multi-tasking should chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong at once"