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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'"

"What man can make three meals and snacks out of one fish all day? I call bullshit!"

"There are two major differences between beer and women. When you take the top off a beer, it can't change its' mind, and it can easily be bought and replaced."

"How do you make a woman scream? You fuck her in the ass. How do you make her scream again? You wipe your dick off with the drapes."

"""Do you need a ride?"" Me, to every jogger I pass in my car"

"Fear of hospitals isn't irrational, I went to 1 once for a stomach-thing & I've had a kid following me around calling me ""mom"" ever since."

"Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I'm like ""Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"""

"I think one of the toughest parts about growing up is realizing that you don't sweat blue if you drink blue Gatorade."

"Caught my wife in bed with a guy, says he's here to fix this wobbly wood bed frame. It seems legit, his Carpenter jeans are on the Floor."

"Surprise your girlfriend by hiding in her trunk until you're dead."