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Joke of the Day

"Surprise your girlfriend by hiding in her trunk until you're dead."

"Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?"

"How do they know that Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head & Shoulders on the dashboard."

"Sketch Artist: describe the man who attacked you Me: he had dark hair- Sketch Artist: one sec the Peanuts Character Creator is still loading"

"Why do accountants make the best serial killers? Because they're calculating."

"What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester? Alien vs. Predator"

"I lied to my wife about what I was doing. I told her I was laminating copies of my newest novel. But that was only a cover for my story."

"[morning] her: did you dream about me? me: that depends...are you a member of the Backstreet Boys? her: umm no me: then no"

"Alcohol is like liquid Photoshop for real life."

"Why did EA cross the road? BUY THE SEASON PASS TODAY TO FIND OUT!"