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Joke of the Day

"Caught my wife in bed with a guy, says he's here to fix this wobbly wood bed frame. It seems legit, his Carpenter jeans are on the Floor."

"My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business."

"It can't be much fun being gay. Your friends are always moaning behind your back."

"I'm like a fat lady's flip-flop... ...under a lot of pressure"

"""I literally died."" - white girls in heaven."

"My friend asked me... My friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want"

"""Can I see your ID?"" Sure, it's... *lowers sunglasses* *raises them* *lowers them again* ""What are you doing?"" I don't know."

"Asked an artist friend if he does nude portraits He charges by the pound"

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? ...pick it up and suck it's dick."

"Why do French tanks have review mirrors? Because they want to see the front line too"