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Joke of the Day

"Just went to the bookies to put a bet on a horse called ""Dirty Carpet"" it's never been beaten"

"You can just lean against anything, look down at your phone and toggle between your 1st and 2nd page of apps and you'll look pretty popular."

"What did one mouse say to the other mouse? I get a click out of you."

"Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet... it takes a Chinese newborn an extra three hours to make their goddamned shoes."

"While escaping from the police, what did one bug say to the other? You butterfly!"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)"

"If you put your ear up to a vagina... you can smell the ocean."

"Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back' Sam said."

"What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone? Baaaaasalt"

"How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? Nine. One to change the light bulb, and eight to beat the room for being dark."