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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a rooster looking at a vegetable patch? Chicken Caesar Salad"

"Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE'S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME."

"Kanye's acceptance speech on the VMA's"

"[meeting] DIRECTOR: I want amazing CGI PRODUCER: Yes! D: A huge cast P: Agreed! D: Realistic family photos P: We don't have the budget"

"I want my group project members to lower me into my grave.... ... So that they can let me down one last time."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day... ...set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Dr: He has a lot of blockage ""So my Dad has a bad heart?"" Dr: He also donates to charity ""So he has a good heart?"" Dr: Ya, it evens out"

"Customer: Why doesn't your menu list prices? Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does."

"So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem... Comes out of nowhere"

"My boss accused me of not forwarding an email her way. I resent that."