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Joke of the Day

"Dr: He has a lot of blockage ""So my Dad has a bad heart?"" Dr: He also donates to charity ""So he has a good heart?"" Dr: Ya, it evens out"

"What do you feed someone in a coma from breakfast? Coma-toast."

"I touch myself when I think of you Oh! Wait It's not what you're thinking, I mean I'm mostly scratching my head wondering what I saw in you."

"Why doesn't Dubai screen 'The Flintstones'? Because Abu Dhabi doooo."

"""Harry Potter"" is pretty much ""Sex And The City"" for people who will never have sex, in any city."

"What do you call a kid with no friends (warning offensive) A sandy hook survivor."

"[Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face."

"Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios."

"A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop."

"Yo mama's so fat when she goes to Taco Bell they run for the border !!"