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Joke of the Day

"Glad I read the label on that Clorox. I was about to rub it in my eyes and keep it in the reach of so many children."

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"""Pick a lane! Any lane!"" - I hate commuter magicians."
"This is a motherfucking website. http://motherfuckingwebsite.com/"
"Dinner at Cracker Barrel My wife and I at Cracker Barrel tonight. I looked around and said ""looks like we're having dinner at the nursing home."""
"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."
"What does MC Hammer and antimatter have in common? Can't touch this!"
"A joke about construction... It's still needs work."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! April ! April who ? April might make you feel better !"
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Don't get me started"
"The symptoms of Ebola... ... are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea & stomach pains. The exact same kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone and messages .."