134769

Joke of the Day

"I was going to make one of those Bitstrips cartoons, but then I decided to pick the lint out of my belly button instead. I'm pretty sure I came out ahead"

"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"I was at the ATM, and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, So I pushed her over."

"I couldn't believe it when my wife announced she was leaving me for being too lazy. Especially after I'd spent all morning taking the Christmas decorations down....."

"What type of humor did the heart attack survivor like? Offbeat."

"What does a woman's A**hole do when she has an orgasm? He's at home watching the kids"

"So I had a blind date this weekend... I lied. &nbsp; She could see."

"How do you make a dead baby float? Root beer and two scoops of dead baby."

"My signature move is signing a piece of paper."

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."