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Joke of the Day

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."

"What's the difference between a Snickers and my girlfriend? Snickers satisfies."

"They say I have cancer and Alzheimers... But at least I don't have cancer!"

"An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future... To which she replied, ""I decide his future, tell me about his past"""

"If Great Britian leaves the EU then it will be like its own Hong Kong Owned by the British, surprisingly prosperous for its size, and desperately longing to be white."

"I have a split personality No he doesn't"

"Women say magazines portray an unrealistic image of beauty therefore making them feel inadequate. Then they buy 12 inch dildos."

"It's like my Grandpa used to say ,""The fight with grandma isn't over until I fill her pillow with spiders and she gives me back my teeth."""

"A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it."

"My computer was singing hello.. Its a Dell."