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Joke of the Day

"I saved 100 orphans from a burning building. Do they call me ""The Orphan Saver?"" No. I butchered 20 men with my bare hands in WWI, but so they call me ""The Butcher?"" No. But you fuck one goat...."

"What type of wind is named after both a cat and a bat? Katabatic"

"A cop stops a drunk man and asks: How high are you? The man replies: This is wrong english, you should say 'Hi, How are You?'"

"Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act together and become hot."

"I opened what I thought was a can of whoop-ass, but it turned out to be Whoomp! And there it is, all over my floor."

"Why don't catholics wear condoms? Because little boys can't get pregnant."

"What does an IT guys use for birth control? His personality."

"Husband: I'm going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax. Me: sounds awesome! H: Will you get them ready for me?"

"Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It's called 'We're poor because of you'."

"I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote."